dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
