im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We need a shit load of segways right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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