I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I am morally bankrupt
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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