went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
