At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
