I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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