We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
