I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
