Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
