Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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