omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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