happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
