We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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