:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
