i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
