So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize