What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're a waste of cheezeits
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
