Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
