Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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