Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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