shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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