i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
