i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
