Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize