I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
