Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Will exercising make me less horny?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
