saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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