is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
