Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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