all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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