i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
