At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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