Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
