I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
