the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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