the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
