Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize