I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
