his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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