I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
