the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
