you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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