He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Semen is not good for contacts.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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