why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
