i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We had sex on a dog bed..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
