I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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