I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
