my vag is so smooth its legendary
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize