I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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