He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
