3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
