please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
