I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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