Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
