You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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