I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
