We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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