Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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