I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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