Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she peed on how many people?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
