You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
