At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
