after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
