NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
