Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
