Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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