im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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