Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
NoShamevember. You game?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
