k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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