There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
