Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
