and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
