My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
