it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
