Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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