This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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