This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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