she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was born a porn star she said
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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