Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
