There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
