Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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