it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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