I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
